Hello There Closet, Let Me Step Out of You

The first couple of months of not playing WoW were easy. I had plenty of other stuff to do and I was able to focus on it quite nicely. I had fond memories of the game but I didn’t really miss it.

Then the Significant Other began playing again after a long absence, and it was making him act like someone who had just fallen madly in love with an old love again, and it was making me nostalgic, and Bad Things happen when Pike is Nostalgic.

It also turns out about this time that he revealed he was playing a ton of his alts. Newsflash: He never really played alts before, at least not to the extent that a lot of people do.

And suddenly playing with him sounded really fun, so of course I did the only sane thing to do and resub’d to WoW, although I did it in a terribly complex and convoluted way in order to ensure a couple of things.

See, what I wanted was to be able to play once every couple of days or so as a social activity with The Boy. Maybe five hours a week max. The definition of Super Casual with a capital S and capital C. I know myself well enough to know that if I unlocked my 80s I’d soon be back to where I was before in terms of WoW playing all the time, and I didn’t want that.

So, I didn’t resub to my main account. Rather, I resub’d to that side account I’d started on a whim for Recruit-a-Friend at some point last year. This account has three characters on it– no more, no less– none of which are close to level 80, and the only one I am really actively playing isn’t even close to level 60.

I am playing Super Casually, really logging in only to play with The Boy for 45 minutes or something, or to do something dumb like check the Auction House or work on tradeskills. I don’t have any heirlooms, I don’t have any access to gold/help from higher characters, I’m playing a class/spec combo that I had never touched before and it’s pretty much the most fun I’ve had in WoW in years. I’m happy with the way things have worked out.

No, I have no current plans to go back to Aspect of the Hare unless I actually “really” start playing again. I don’t know when that will be– I really don’t want to fall back into the trap of playing-all-the-time when I have so much other stuff that I am working on (and I’d like to think I’m doing pretty well with that– making good progress on the latest edit of my book, for example.) So in short this is going to have no bearing on my blogging or anything.

Why am I telling you this, then? Honesty, mostly. It would be super easy to be that blogger who “quits” and then plays a new anonymous character under-cover… and I have no doubt tons of people have done that. But eh, I don’t like keeping things from my friends, and you guys are my friends.

Also I figured I’d might as well pull a BRK and come full-circle…

Classic Video Game Monday: Goldeneye 007

I’m not exactly huge on shooters. I just never really got into the genre, as a whole. There were two big exceptions, though– two shooters that I played the heck out of. One of them was Halo. But the first– the original– was Goldeneye 007.

I know most of you remember this one. The graphics were bulky and blocky– hilariously so, to look back on it now:

But did that matter at the time? No, because this game was amazing and addictive.

The gameplay was solid and each level gave you a variety of difficulty options. The weapons were all unique and interesting. And most importantly, you could spend hours messing around with the stupidest things and it was still fun. I have memories of playing this game with friends or family members for hours doing stunt games like “PROXIMITY MINES ONLY”. You’ve gotta be a good game to pull something like that off. I mean sure, we’d do stuff like Pistols Only or whatever on Halo, but c’mon, Proximity Mines? It was just so epic.

You also got a watch with a laser on it, which you actually had to use at one point. Although you could shoot people with it if you wanted.

Now let’s talk about the levels. Facility is basically the greatest level ever. I’m not really sure what about it was so appealing. Maybe it was because you started out in a bathroom, or maybe it was just because of the sheer variety of the place’s scope. Maybe it’s because on single-player, it masterfully presented you with goals that were interesting but still achievable in order to ease you into the game, while on multiplayer it was just madcap fun. Whatever the reason, I really can’t think of a more memorable FPS level, at least on consoles.

Granted, the game was full of amazing levels (Bunker comes to mind), and not just multiplayer-wise. The single-player campaigns were rock-solid as well, full of challenges and plenty of humor (like the Bond girl admonishing you to be quiet as you attempt to fend of soldiers who want to kill you.)

So, Goldeneye 007. Anytime someone tells you that no movie has ever been made into a good video game, you can remind them that there is at least one that has.

In closing, imagine how silly you must look when you press pause.

A Letter To My Book

Dear Book,

It’s really weird to think how far we’ve come. How you started as a seed of an idea during middle school roleplaying sessions, went through this crazy metamorphosis last year, and turned into something even I wasn’t expecting. You are sort of what I wanted you to be and sort of not really what I wanted you to be, because at some point you took on a life of your own.

Of course, like any proud parent, I now tote hypothetical photographs of you around in my virtual wallet. Livejournal, Twitter, and the Brass Goggles Forums are, I’m sure, sick of hearing my constant allusions to you. I can’t help it though, really, when you’re always there in the back of my mind, poking me and reminding me that you’re still alive. (And believe me, you are still alive).

Re-reading you over and over and over again is always a bit of an adventure, and sometimes I’m struck by how little of you has changed since I dumped words onto a page for NaNoWriMo– when I mixed up two parts alphabet soup and one part primordial ooze in a blender and then poured it all over Open Office in the hopes that it would somehow sort itself out into something at least halfway interesting– and ya know, you didn’t do too badly when it came to sorting yourself out.

The definition of “What You Are” is rather less straightforward, though, and I’ll confess that the answer isn’t always a positive one. In fact, it usually isn’t. Occasionally I’ll think that you’re not too shabby, but then I read you again and I wonder: who wants to read a mess that came out of the blender of my brain? You are a pile of problems, that’s what you are. Problems that no one would ever want to read.

Of course, then you laugh at me and inform me that All Problems Can Be Solved, and go back to sitting quietly in the back of my head, waiting for me to actually start working on you again.

Those unicorns can't be trusted.

So, Book, we match wits again. You don’t make this easy, but as you like to remind me, you don’t learn anything from a problem that is too easy to solve.

Besides, anything involving airships can’t be all that bad. Right?

-Pike

Fishy Business: How To Decipher an Aquarium Test Strip

Water Testing is one of the most important parts of keeping an aquarium. One thing that I think it is important to know, though, is that water testing goes just beyond deciding if a certain value is “good” or “bad”. A water test can tell a good aquarist a variety of things about your tank– for example, how old it is, how frequently you perform water changes, and whether or not your tank is overstocked. In this post, I’m gonna show you some of the tricks of the trade! *flexes fingers*

To Start – Gather Your Materials
: Test strips frequently (though certainly not always) come on two different strips: one for ammonia, and one for everything else. The reason is because the ammonia strip has to be swirled in the water for ten seconds and the other one just needs a quick dip. I frequently run across people who think they’re saving money by only buying the 5-in-1 test strip and not bothering with the ammonia. Bad idea. Unless you both a.) have had your tank for a while and b.) know what you’re doing, you need the ammonia test strip. Having both sets is the only way to get a really clear indication of the health of your tank.

Test!: Scoop enough water out of your tank to dip the test strip in. Ideally this water isn’t particularly contaminated (i.e., the fish were just fed, or a dead fish has been sitting in it for more than a few minutes). Time is of the essence because a lot of the time, these tests will begin to skew if you let them sit for a more than a minute or two. The ammonia test, in particular, is meant to be read immediately. My normal strategy here is to dip the 5-in-1 test and then set it aside, then swirl the ammonia test and read it immediately, and then read the 5-in-1 test.

Ammonia: An ammonia buildup is the first step of the nitrogen cycle that happens in every fish tank, and is very toxic to fish. It means that there isn’t enough good bacteria in the tank yet to convert the ammonia to less toxic forms. High ammonia and low nitrites/nitrates is a dead giveaway that either the tank is new, or the fishkeeper just did a massive 100% water change (which I don’t recommend doing, by the way). If you have high ammonia, don’t panic, it happens to pretty much everybody. The best way to get rid of it is through a water change. I know there are tons of chemicals on the market that say they will get rid of ammonia. That’s keyword for “This product will bind ammonia to a nontoxic form which is a bandaid fix because you’ll wind up with high nitrates later.” That’s why I recommend water changes.

If you have high ammonia, chances are it’s because you’re still cycling your tank. I tell everybody to do about a 25% water change every other day for the next few weeks. There’s a good chance this will get you through this phase just fine.

Overstocking your tank and overfeeding will also cause ammonia issues (doing both in a new tank is a deadly combination and practically guarantees fish health issues– this is why so many newbies have problems).

If you’ve had your tank for years and years and you have chronic ammonia issues and we’ve ruled out all other causes, then there is a chance that there is chloramine in your city’s water, which is a big giant pain and typically means you should fill your tank with distilled water. Hopefully you don’t have to deal with that, though.

Nitrite: High nitrites are the second step in the aquarium tank cycling process. Usually someone with high nitrites is also testing out to have either high ammonia or high nitrates, signifying how far along you are in cycling. (If all three are high then you have an issue.) It is still very toxic to fish. It can be remedied the same way ammonia can: water changes. You can also add a bit of aquarium salt to the water, which helps the fish’s gills to block nitrite absorption.

The nitrite phase usually does not last as long as the ammonia phase does and is a good indicator that the water you are testing has been established for a few weeks.

Nitrate: Nitrate is the final step of the aquarium nitrogen cycle. If you are testing out at little to no ammonia/nitrites but you have a decent buildup of nitrate, then congratulations, your tank is cycled! Water testing out this way tells me that the tank has been established for at least a month.

Most freshwater fish are relatively tolerant of nitrate but in my experience, while they do okay with some nitrate in the tank, they don’t thrive unless it’s as low as you can make it, which is another reason why I advocate continuing your frequent water changes even past the cycling process. (Also note that certain types of “sensitive fish” cannot tolerate as much nitrate as hardier ones. If your tank is established but you are still having fish issues, nitrate is the first place to look.)

Nitrate is removed from your tank via (say it with me now) water changes. This is why it is recommended that you perform a water change at least once a week, or if you’re Pike, multiple times a week. You really cannot get out of doing water changes entirely. Having a massive filtration system, live plants, and an understocked tank can really reduce the amount of water changes you have to do, but you will always have to do them at least to some extent.

If you do frequent water changes and continue to have chronic Nitrate issues then it probably means your tank is overstocked, you’re feeding too much, or both. (See all the magical things test strips can tell you?)

Nitrate is also algae food. When people come in and talk to me about serious algae issues, I usually tell them to scrape it off and then start doing tons of water changes. People hate me for it, but I’m just telling it like it is.

Note: as an aquarium specialist I typically consider ammonia/nitrite/nitrate to be the “big three” and the cause of about 85% of the fish issues I see in the business. I’m telling you this because I see tons of people panicking about things like pH when they probably should be worrying about ammonia/nitrite/nitrate.

Moving on!

Hardness: This is one of those things that rarely causes issues and probably shouldn’t be messed with. Most freshwater fish in the hobby are adaptable to a wide range of water hardness. Really the only time you should be concerned with hardness is if you’re dealing with specific fish like discus (who like soft water) or African cichlids (who like harder water) or if you are moving fish from a really-soft environment to a really-hard environment or viceversa.

Chlorine: Good news and bad news for this one. The bad news is that Chlorine is extremely toxic and will kill fish in minutes. The good news is that there’s so much hype about adding water conditioners and the like that you will probably never have a chlorine issue. In two and a half years of testing water, I’ve never seen a chlorine issue. (Actually I lied, I saw someone’s chlorine off the charts once, but every single other thing on the test strip was also off the charts. That person’s water was, uh, special.)

Alkalinity: This is another thing that you probably never have to mess with. Most fish are tolerant of the entire alkalinity spectrum and unless you’re doing something really specific, like breeding, don’t mess with it.

pH: pH is one of those buzzwords that everyone remembers from high school chemistry and because of this, everyone overreacts when they hear it and go to great lengths to eradicate any “pH issues” in their aquarium. And therein lies the problem. So, here’s the deal:

Unless you’re doing something difficult (like breeding, or trying to keep a notoriously finicky fish), don’t mess with the pH.

Most tropical fish are very tolerant of pH, so long as it’s stable. They don’t care if it’s high, they don’t care if it’s low, they don’t care if it’s exactly 7.0, but they do care if it goes back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. This is why attempting to “fix” pH issues usually causes more problems than the pH itself does.

If your pH is extreme (i.e. lower than 4 or higher than 10), then by all means, fix your pH. But I’ve never ever seen any water tests that extreme. Most of the time it’s between 6 and 8, which is fine. Just sayin’.

And there you have it– how to decipher the mysterious aquarium test strips! *bows*

Classic Video Game Monday: Harvest Moon

Back about five years ago or so, I would have to sit down and explain to people in detail about why a game about farming was so fun and addictive. These days it’s much easier because everyone’s played Farm Town or whatever it’s called.

Seriously though, who would’ve thought that tilling soil, planting crops, harvesting and selling said crops, and trying to get the cute librarian girl to fall in love with you would be fun? It is, though.

I played two different versions of this game, one for the original Game Boy (basically a port of the one for SNES), and one for Game Boy Advance called “Friends of Mineral Town”. Both were essentially the same, except the GBA version had better graphics/sound and removed some hilarious Engrish like “Confirm the origin of fire!” if you approached your stove.

Harvest Moon’s trick is to suck you in by enticing you with more and more goals. First you just want to get your crops planted. Then you want to sell the crops so you can get money for cows and chickens and stuff. Then you start exploring the village and you find out there’s this whole dating sim game going on with about six different girls. Getting one to like you is an excruciatingly long and painstaking process that involves memorizing where she is on certain days and bringing her specific flowers and gifts that she likes, and doing this for months. And months. And months. You put up with it, though, because it’s such a challenge. And because some other guy is always trying to barge in.

Girls. Am I right? *brofist* ... wait.

Supposedly you can eventually get to a point where the girl likes you enough that she’ll marry you and then one day you’ll randomly wake up with a kid; I never got that far myself, though. The closest I got was spending about a year in game getting Cute Librarian Girl’s affection for me to go up by approximately half a point. On the plus side, if you fail at all that, you can always watch your cows have babies instead. (The mystery of what exactly is in the “Cow Miracle Potion” is never explained, but that’s probably for the best.)

Ooh! I almost forgot another thing you could do in this game. Expand/build your house. That was one of those things that I never really got into because the girls were too distracting.

Curse you, anime girls!

Oh, Harvest Moon. It’s been a while, but one of these days I’m sure I’ll get the urge and jump back in.

Oh My Hero, So Far Away Now

A few years back I was going through a bit of a personal crisis where I felt like I had screwed up my entire life. I thought I was going to school in the wrong place and for the wrong major and I thought I had picked the wrong job and done a lot of wrong things and I just felt terrible. It wasn’t a particularly happy time in my life, and what’s worse is that this funk went on for weeks.

But you know what finally lifted me out of that phase?

Final Fantasy 6.

I replayed Final Fantasy 6 and so many characters in that game were dealing with the past and by the end pretty much all of them had learned some vital lesson and moved on. I identified with Cyan’s story in particular, and you would not believe the catharsis that was battling the monster that personified his personal demons. After that game something amazing happened. Suddenly I wasn’t feeling too bad about myself anymore. I mean, Locke and the gang had to deal with family members dying and a psychotic clown trying to take over the world. How impossible could my own problems be?

It wasn’t the first time video games had inspired me. I played Zelda: Ocarina of Time during a rough patch in my high school years when I was moving to a new school and I was scared as heck. But look, it’s Link, with the Triforce of Courage. It’s hard to articulate exactly how a pointy-eared kid in a green tunic who never talked became a personal hero to me at the time, but the fact is that he did.

Sometimes the “are video games art?” argument gets tossed around various forums and blogs. I’m probably not the best person to ask regarding the question, since I’m that girl who looks at a well-designed chair and declares it a piece of artwork.

I can say, though, that video games have uplifted me, inspired me, and touched my heart in a variety of ways, and I’m not afraid to admit it.

And, ya know, that sort of legacy is not too shabby for any type of entertainment.

Classic Video Game Monday: The Oregon Trail

I honestly can’t think of any educational game that has been more successful. Thanks to green-screen IBMs, an entire generation of people grew up knowing what the Oregon Trail is. …well, assuming the Oregon Trail has to do with dysentery, hunting, writing witty sayings on tombstones, and deciding whether to caulk the wagon or ford the river.

Was it a big deal at anyone else's school when the green screens were replaced with color ones?

For the few among you that are uninitiated, this was a game about, well, pioneers and the Oregon Trail. It was one of those subjects that you were guaranteed to spend at least a few months on every year in elementary school, and it was one of my favorite subjects, partially because it meant I got to wear cool period clothes that my mom made me and play with wooden propeller toys.

You would not believe how many nights I laid awake trying to figure this one out.

Anyways, this was a strategy/simulation game that involved, well… trying to get to Oregon from Missouri or wherever the heck you started. (You states east of the Continental Divide are all the same and I can’t keep track, pffft.) Along the way you had to deal with whatever nature and various diseases decided to hurl at you. Not to be taken lightly as a kids game, people in your wagon party could– and would– die at a moments’ notice, which promptly led to the infamous playground trick where you would name your party after all of your least favorite classmates and then try to induce rattlesnake bites. (Come on, we all remember kids who did that. Maybe you were that kid.)

Looking back on it I think what the Oregon Trail game was most successful at, in terms of educational value, was teaching me place names. For example, apparently there is a rock somewhere that looks like a chimney. I would not have known this if not for the Oregon Trail. I mean, you never know when you’ll be in a life-and-death situation requiring you to point out various historical landmarks, right?

Now most people probably quit playing Oregon Trail right about the time they graduated into middle school, but if you were me, you decided to be hardcore and play the later editions, which had super shiny graphics.

So you can watch your wagon sink to the bottom of the river in glorious 3D.

This edition included the exciting hunting-for-plants minigame, where ten minutes worth of sorting plant pictures turned into about five seconds’ worth of food in the actual game. It’s much more economical to just shoot a bear. (Sorry, vegetarians!)

It also came with a super easymode option at the beginning of a new game where a guy would sell you basically all of the supplies you needed for your entire journey in one neat bundled package. Of course, we all know that only casuals pick that option, and us hardcore gamers start with only a gun, a box of bullets, and a grandfather clock.*

Speaking of your items, a word of warning: the people in this game that you can trade with love to rip you off. I mean, I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure an ox isn’t worth a jar of pickles. As enticing as that jar of pickles might be. (And for the love of all that is holy don’t try to haggle with them, or they’ll start wanting TWO oxen for a jar of pickles.)

Ultimately, though, for all that we love to poke fun, this game and its derivatives are truly among the all-time greats. Long before the disaster that was “Mario is Missing”, there were truly fun and memorable educational games like Number Munchers, Odell Lake, Murphy’s Minerals, and of course, The Oregon Trail.

* Is it terribly wrong of me to want to point out the historical inaccuracies in calling a longcase clock a “grandfather clock” prior to the year 1876? >_> SHUT UP, I KNOW THESE THINGS OKAY?

Top Three Things I Am Addicted To At The Moment

1. STRING CHEESE

The other day I bought a 12-pack of string cheese, my reasoning being that it would give me a couple weeks’ worth of snacks. Yeah, three days later I’m down to… one, I think? This isn’t counting the string cheese I buy with my lunch every day at work.

I don’t know, they’re just so stringable and munchable and have I mentioned that I love mozzarella? Mozzarella and provolone are my two cheese loves. (Oh wait, did I forget Colby Jack? Let’s throw that in there too.)

2. ALTOIDS

I dunno, I just go through about five of them a day. (Mints, not entire tins. Yeah, I’m not quite that addicted.) As an aside, does anyone else remember when these were The Big Cool Thing in middle school? Or was that just my school being weird?

There are apparently fruit-flavored Altoids, also, which makes me wonder if their slogan is “Curiously Fruity”. Mostly because I crack up just thinking about it.

3.)

P-P-P-POKER FACE

So I was late to the Lady Gaga party but fortunately this has been remedied. Now, a little thing about me: I tend to binge when it comes to music. I’m not one of those “Load up the whole playlist and hit shuffle” people… rather, I get into something (or, frequently, rediscover something) and listen to it until most peoples’ ears would bleed. A couple weeks ago it was U2… lately it’s Poker Face on repeat. Oh, and Sonic the Hedgehog fans: This cannot be unheard.

This completely pointless blog post has been brought to you by Clockwork Hare Inc.!

Classic Video Game Monday: The Lion King

A few people have left comments here regarding this game so it’s got me thinking about it. This, folks, was the first SNES game I ever played.

And this game was GOOD. I mean, I dunno, maybe I’m just being nostalgic. And there was nothing particularly super-groundbreaking about it. But it was a solid platformer and every level had a sort of different twist to it.

There was a lot of memorization involved and a lot of trial and error. For the second level, you had to growl at monkeys in a particular order in order to beat it.

…and this was just a warmup for the ninth level, a labyrinthine series of caves that you could get lost in forever if you didn’t know where you were going.

Despite the many comments on YouTube crying about how hard the game was, however, it was never too hard for me a kid. I mean sure, there were levels I spent a lot of time on. But back then, (before I was spoiled by modern games which seem to put more emphasis on getting things right the first time), that’s just how games worked. Plus, it really wasn’t that hard. Not only did I memorize the cave level pretty quickly, but I also memorized all the little sideroutes where bonuses and secrets were hiding.

This game had tons of replay value and I don’t even know why, because once you nailed the game, every playthrough thereafter was essentially the same. I think it’s because once you figured it all out, you could beat the entire thing, bonus levels and all, in under a half hour, and it gave a smug sense of self-satisfaction to be able to do so. Sort of like how I would later go on to do repeat things like beating the 150cc Special Cup in Mario Kart 64 or redo-ing half of the Shadow Temple in Ocarina of Time or wandering around the map looking for stray clans in Final Fantasy Tactics Advance… just to unwind. These things were challenging but always do-able and they worked as little pick-me-ups because it meant you had mastered some skill, and The Lion King was no exception.

I’m not sure how well this game would hold up these days for someone who hasn’t played it before. But I guarantee that most of us who played this game back in the day have nothing but fond memories of it.

Less talk, more tick-tock